HOW OFTEN DO MARRIED COUPLES WITH KIDS HAVE SEX
Maintaining an intimate relationship while juggling work, parenting, and daily
responsibilities is a challenge many married couples face. For couples with
young children, sex can become less frequent due to exhaustion, stress, and
shifting priorities. However, what is considered "normal" varies significantly
from couple to couple.
A woman recently asked on a forum whether her sex life—about three times per week with her husband—was typical for married couples with young kids. She was curious because her husband believed this was either average or slightly below it. The responses she received painted a diverse picture of how different families manage intimacy.
In this blog, we’ll explore real-life perspectives from married men and discuss key factors affecting sexual frequency, strategies to maintain intimacy, and what "normal" really looks like.
1. The Wide Spectrum of Sexual Frequency in Marriages
Married couples with kids experience a broad range of sexual frequencies. Some
have a steady routine, while others struggle to find the time or energy.
Here’s what real husbands shared about their experiences:
Higher Frequency Couples (3+ Times Per Week)
Some couples manage to maintain an active sex life despite their busy
schedules.
• One husband with three kids (7, 10, and 12) said they have sex 3-5 times a week and have maintained this frequency for years, despite experiencing a "dead bedroom" phase at some point.
• Another couple built a gym and luxury shower in their garage, aiming for intimacy every day. They believe working out together boosts their libido and helps maintain a routine. They emphasized that intimacy doesn’t have to mean vaginal intercourse—even showering together without sex fosters closeness.
• A couple who has been married for 17 years with three kids schedules sex twice a week and sometimes adds an extra night. The husband credits their consistency to his wife’s willingness to meet his needs and the mutual effort they put into their relationship.
Moderate Frequency Couples (1-2 Times Per Week)
For many, intimacy happens once or twice per week, which seems to be a common middle ground.
• A husband with a 5-year-old shared that they have sex once a week, but it was easier when their child was younger and took naps. Now, fatigue and lack of alone time make it harder.
• Another man estimated that their average is 1-2 times per week, with some weeks at zero and others at three. He guessed that 95% of couples with kids are below three times per week.
• A father of three young children (two with emotional regulation disorders) said they would love to have sex three times a month, but exhaustion and his wife's health issues make that difficult.
Lower Frequency Couples (Rarely or Infrequent)
Many couples experience dry spells, especially in the early years of parenting.
• One man shared that before kids, he and his wife had sex three times a week, and she often initiated. However, once they had their first child, her sex drive dropped to zero for four years. They’re now starting to reconnect, with rare 15-20 minute quickies.
• Another father with three young kids admitted that sometimes it’s three times a week, other times zero, with one to two times per week being their true average.
• A man who has been married for years noted that TV can be a great tool for parents—once kids learn how to use the remote on Sunday mornings, things can improve!
2. Factors That Influence Sexual Frequency
Several factors contribute
to how often married couples with young kids have sex. Here are the biggest
influences
1. Parenting Demands & Exhaustion
• Young kids require constant attention, and by the end of the day, many parents are simply too tired.
• Parents with multiple children or special needs kids often experience even greater fatigue and stress.
2. Work & Daily Responsibilities
• Couples who both work full-time may struggle to find energy for intimacy after long days.
• Household chores, after-school activities, and responsibilities can make sex feel like another task rather than a moment of connection.
3.Physical & Mental Health
• Postpartum recovery, hormonal changes, and stress can reduce libido.
• Digestive issues, anxiety, or depression can make one partner feel uncomfortable or disinterested in sex.
4. Relationship Quality & Communication
• Some couples make a conscious effort to prioritize intimacy, while others let it take a back seat.
• A few husbands emphasized that having a supportive, understanding spouse made a big difference in their sex life.
5. Scheduling & Routine
• Couples who actively schedule sex seem to have higher frequency and satisfaction.
• Those who set expectations and make time for intimacy report feeling more connected.
3. Strategies to Maintain a Healthy Sex Life
For couples struggling
to maintain intimacy, here are practical ways to reconnect:
1. Prioritize Quality Time Together
• Schedule date nights where intimacy is the focus.
• Find moments to connect emotionally and physically outside of sex (e.g., cuddling, massages).
2. Communicate Openly About Needs & Desires
• Talk about expectations and find a balance that works for both partners.
• Be honest about fatigue, stress, and personal struggles without blaming each other.
3. Make Use of Small Windows of Opportunity
• Utilize nap times, early mornings, or kids' screen time to sneak in intimacy.
• One couple admitted that parents tend to be overly cautious about leaving kids alone—if they're safe, take a little time for each other.
4. Build Intimacy Beyond Just Sex
• Physical touch, kissing, and non-sexual affection help maintain closeness.
• Find shared activities like working out together to naturally boost libido and connection.
5. Adjust Expectations
• Understand that sex life changes over time and varies by life stage.
• Some periods will be highly active, while others may require more effort to reconnect.
4. What’s "Normal"?
There isn’t a single "right" answer to how often married couples with young kids have sex. However, based on the responses:
• 3+ times per week is above average and often requires intentional effort.
• 1-2 times per week is common for many couples balancing work and kids.
• Less than once per week is also normal, especially for parents dealing with exhaustion, stress, or medical issues.
Ultimately, the best frequency is the one that works for both partners. If both people are satisfied, it doesn't matter what others do. If one partner is unhappy, communication and compromise are key.
Final Thoughts
The reality of sex after kids is different for every couple. While some maintain a steady routine, others struggle due to exhaustion, parenting demands, and life stressors. The key takeaways from the discussion include:
• There is no single "normal" frequency—every couple is different.
• Scheduling sex can help couples maintain intimacy.
• Understanding each other’s needs and limitations is crucial for a healthy sex life.
• Intimacy goes beyond just intercourse—physical affection and emotional connection matter too.
If you and your partner are satisfied with your sex life, then you’re doing just fine. If one of you feels unfulfilled, it’s worth having an open conversation to find a solution that works for both of you.
At the end of the day, a strong relationship isn’t just about frequency—it’s about mutual satisfaction, effort, and emotional connection.
